I have been sick for 4 weeks. I could feel a virus coming, but I had no idea of the intensity behind it. It hit me on a Monday afternoon with a full force of fever, nausea, sore throat and the like. After a week I lost my voice. A week beyond that I still could not speak. 3 and a half weeks later I am still easily tired and my voice gets raspy with a slight cough each night. I am guessing that I let myself get run down. I tend to over-commit as several friends have reminded me. "You keep way too busy." I've been told. It is tough when you are practically homesteading, yet holding down a full time faculty position in Fine Art and Media which also requires you to be a working artist...oh yeah, and I'm a mom and wife with a great family. I have always had a long 'to do' list and I am seldom bored. I could fill several lifetimes with all the interesting activities I want to explore. I love skiing with the Dad-guy and my kids! Drawing, listening to music, visiting, volunteering, oh why is life so short? Or, at least couldn't I have more stamina. In the meantime, I feel like a 2 year old kid that doesn't want to go for my nap. Sigh, resting has never been my strong point.
Change is always difficult for me, even if it means something exciting will enter my life. In my observations I have noticed that change comes in waves. Sometimes those waves are huge, sometimes several small, rolling waves crash my shores. I find myself standing, gazing out towards the sea, looking for the next wave. Even as it closes over me, I think, "please, not now, I do not want this to happen." , but the only way passed it is through it. Someday all will be calm again. Until then I will let that cool water crash over me as I ride it out.
My Mom is in a fight for her life. She is in the good care of doctors and nurses at the hospital but her future is uncertain. She has been given some tough choices to make, none of them appealing, all of them potentially life-saving and life-threatening. She feels the weight of her decision. In a blur of contradictory advice from 'experts', she tries to think. This is her life they are talking about. As she sorts through the large amount of information that has come her way in a matter of days, everyone else waits for her decision barely daring to breath.
I am in pain. My back slipped out of place last Wednesday while bending down to pick up a piece of paper. I wish I could say it was something spectacular that caused the sacrum to shift, but it was only a simple movement. On Friday my massage therapist was able to put things back in place. Now I must wait for the damage to heal. I can stand, walk and lie down, but not sit. (sounds like a puppy in training!). This has happened before. It usually takes about 2 weeks for things to settle down.